Everything you do is geared towards that moment. Right now you are living in the past of that kiss, careening towards it with deliberate speed. You are planning, hoping, waiting, planting seeds, and setting the stage for that moment. No matter how mature, patient, realistic or sincere you are, you are creating an apex in your life for that moment: One that has not yet happened, one that might not ever happen.
“Now.” As you somehow survive “now’, in the past of your longed-for event, you sculpt your scenarios: the time, the place, the mood, the conversation. You know the details will change. Yet for some reason, you suppress your best and most imaginative scene, not wanting to jinx it because you know it will not happen the way you think. To merely summon a thought means to erase it from existence.
Over time you discover the kiss becomes harder to imagine. Is it because you were once able to visualize it so perfectly? Perhaps you are able to now understand why in our ancient history we ordained some songs so sacred that they could only be played for worship: It is because when the novelty fades, so does the meaning. So does the feeling.
And around this time that you realize you must manifest your feelings somehow. The only way to get the feeling back is to take action. If your kiss is meant to happen, you will find yourself living in the present of that kiss soon.
But you forgot to plan for the future.
I want my kiss to empower my partner. I want it to create feelings of trust, comfort, safety, happiness, and love. And in turn, I want to feel these things.
The future of your kiss should not be replete with mistrust, confusion, or doubt. It should not lead to resentment or despair. If these things exist in the future of your kiss then you should not want it.
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